It's All Fun and Games Read online

  The property’s owner had originally been wary of letting a bunch of teens and young adults run around pretending to chop each other into pieces, and so he had stayed on-site for the first game. It turned out that he had so much fun he decided to keep coming back and was eventually given the role of King of the Realm. Everyone understood that if they didn’t treat the property with respect, not only would the group have to find a new place, but it was entirely possible their character would lose their head to the executioner’s axe.

  After the friends pulled their bags out of the trunk, TJ reached back in and removed his costume. He pulled the ornate robe over his head and then topped himself with a floppy hat. “The beauty of robes is that no one knows what you’re wearing underneath. A couple layers of sweats go a long way on chilly evenings. Some folks go for period shoes as well, but if I have to run, I’d rather it be in my Nikes than a pair of sandals.”

  After the requisite hug and admonition to be safe from TJ’s mother, the two friends were left standing in a gravel lot adjacent to the lodge, backpacks slung across their shoulders.

  “So now what?” Allison asked.

  “Now we go get ourselves checked in, see who else is here, and get you a character!”

  The pair walked the short distance to the building and slipped through the open door. The room was dark, as one might expect of some medieval tavern. Unfortunately, also like a tavern, the room smelled of unwashed bodies. Sitting in chairs around the room were a couple dozen teenagers in various layers of fantasy gear, each individual’s choice apparently based on their individual physique. Simon, the football player, was something of an outlier, so Allison saw a lot of flowing robes, but no gladiator-style leather harnesses.

  Allison had to choke down a laugh at the assembled players, and TJ elbowed her in the ribs. “Shh,” he whispered at her. “They have ears too, so be kind. They’re really nice folks, I promise. Let’s go get us registered.”

  In one corner of the room was a desk with official-looking people and a sign that read “Ye Olde Registration” behind it. As they headed in that direction they heard, “Hey, TJ! You made it! And you brought a newbie! Awesome!” The voice came from the opposite corner of the room. The two turned, and TJ broke into a wide grin as he spotted some of his friends gathered around a small table. He took Allison’s elbow and guided her over.

  “Hey, guys! Great to see you again. Is this going to be a great weekend, or what?” This was met with vigorous nodding. “And look who I finally managed to convince! You remember my friend Allison, don’t you? Through sheer determination and the promise of hot guys, I convinced her to give in and join us for the weekend.”

  The assembled boys looked back and forth at each other in amusement. One said, “Hot guys, huh? I didn’t know I was your type, TJ.” He batted his eyelashes, and the others at the table laughed. “And of course we remember Allison,” he added with a snort. “It’s not like you ever shut up about her or anything.”

  TJ’s face turned red. “Come on, Chuck. You look in a mirror lately? I told her Simon was coming, and that’s what pushed her over the edge.” Heads nodded in understanding. “Anyway, Allison, this is the party. Chuck, our thief extraordinaire, can open just about any lock that exists. And we haven’t found a trap yet he couldn’t disarm.”

  The small, slightly chubby boy was dressed all in black, with the exception of a conspicuously thick silver chain dangling from his neck. He smiled proudly and declared, “I’ve put all my points into those two skills. I’m totally worthless for pretty much everything else, but I can break us into places that no one else’s character will ever see. I’m up to eight points in each, TJ. I leveled up last game. Gained a bonus weapon skill too, so now I can actually swing a dagger without hitting one of you guys.”

  A large boy sitting next to him said, “That’s what you think. I’m still keeping my distance from you, little guy.” He stood up and extended a meaty hand. At his full height he towered over everyone else at the table, and Allison had to look up to meet his eye. “Hey, Allison, good to see you again. It’s been too long.”

  She took his hand and shook it a few times. “Nice to see you too, Jimmy. You got big over the summer, didn’t you?”

  Chuck piped in. “And once again, Ford Prefect’s assessment of humanity’s ability to cheerfully state the obvious proves true!” Allison looked at him blankly. “C’mon. Ford Prefect? Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?” She blinked. He glanced at TJ. “Where did you find her? Man, she needs some serious edumacation. Learn you a book.”

  Allison flashed Chuck a hostile look.

  TJ shrugged and gave her a quick shoulder hug. “She’s a work in progress.”

  Not only had Jimmy grown, but TJ’s prediction about his outfit was correct. He had a shimmering coat of mail over a padded gambeson, metal bracers attached to his forearms, and what looked like matching pieces strapped to his legs. “Nice getup you’ve got there,” Allison said, nodding at his costume in approval.

  “Thanks,” he replied, and gave her a mock curtsy. “You know how my mom is. Once she got it into her head that I needed to look beefy, she went all out.” Allison nodded in agreement. His dad had died when Jimmy was in kindergarten, and ever since then, his mom tended to overcompensate. He always had the best of everything, even when she had to stretch.

  The third member at the table, a boy with light-brown skin and bony shoulders, stood up and extended a hand to TJ. He was clothed head to toe in shades of green, with a tunic, cloak, leggings, and blouse. Large ears poked out of his brown polar-fleece slouch hat. Leaning against the wall behind him was a bow, whose style Allison recognized from their archery unit in PE class. The bow had a wood-grain texture. Next to it rested a full quiver, whose arrows had been inserted with their fletching downward. Cushioned, rounded tips poked out from the quiver’s mouth.

  “You’re Stu, aren’t you? I’m TJ. Pleased to meet you.”

  Stu nodded. “Likewise. I’ve heard good things about you from Jimmy at school, and I’m eager to fight by your side.” He turned to Allison and took her hand. Rather than shaking it, he bowed, brushing his lips across the back of it. “Milady.”

  Allison giggled and said, “Well, I can’t say anyone’s ever done that before. Maybe this weekend won’t be a total bust!” The boys laughed. “Hi, Stuart! What are you doing out here at this geek fest?”

  “I needed to get out of the house for a little peace and quiet,” he replied. “By the way, call me Stu. Only my mom and my sisters call me Stuart, and I kinda hate it.”

  “Got it!”

  Chuck’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “You guys know each other?”

  “Now who’s stating the obvious?” Allison rolled her eyes and Chuck stuck his tongue out. “Stu’s two older sisters dance with me at the studio in Springfield. They’re really good, though I don’t think either wants to be a dancer after college or anything.”

  “Nope, premed for both,” Stu confirmed. “Just like Dad.”

  “So what kinda character are you going to play, Allison?” Jimmy asked.

  “Um. I don’t know, actually. I didn’t really give it any thought. I just figured I’d show up and hit things on the head or cast magical spells”—she wiggled her fingers—“or something along those lines. I don’t even know any of the rules.”

  The boys at the table all looked back and forth at each other, then in unison declared, “Healer!”

  “Healer? You mean I don’t get to bonk people or cast magic spells or anything like that?” She shot a hurt look at TJ. “This is going to stink, isn’t it?”

  “No! No, it won’t,” TJ replied, perhaps a little too quickly. But she wasn’t buying it. He continued. “Well. Maybe it will a little.” TJ held up his thumb and forefinger. “But just because you’re a healer, it doesn’t mean you can’t bonk people. We’ll make sure we get you a club or a mace or something. And technically, healing is a magic spell. It’s just a different sort of magic spell from what I cast.” Allis
on looked unconvinced. “And, the guys are right. We’ve got a thief, Chuckles. We’ve got a wizard, me. We’ve got a big piece of meat, Jimmy. It looks like Stu provides us with ranged attacks and, if I’m guessing correctly, tracking and other outdoor skills that could come in handy, depending on what the story is.” Stu nodded and TJ continued. “What we’re really missing is healing support. There have been some adventures when we’ve barely been scratched and all we needed was Chuck’s expertise to get us through. But if we get into some big combat and start taking damage, we’re gonna be in rough shape without a healer.”

  “And you’re already dressed as one! Sorta. Except for the hat.” Jimmy’s comment elicited laughs from the guys and turned Allison’s face red.

  “Yeah, well, you better make sure you don’t get clobbered too much, ’cause I’m not sure if I or my hat want to heal you very much.” She let out a little humpf.

  This resulted in a series of “ooohs,” but Jimmy just grinned. “I’ll do my best. I’m good at not getting hit!”

  TJ pulled on Allison’s sleeve. “C’mon, let’s get registered and get your character created. It won’t take long, and I’ll explain the rules while we’re in line. Be back in a jiffy, guys.”

  The two left the table with a wave and crossed the room to the registration desk, where there were only a few people in line ahead of them. As they approached the line, Allison gave TJ a sideways glance. “So it’s not like you ever shut up about me?”

  TJ blushed a deep red, which she pretended not to notice. “Yeah . . . w-well,” he stammered, then abruptly changed the subject. “Here’s the way things work. The weapons we use are all made out of PVC pipe wrapped up in foam and duct-taped like crazy. It isn’t comfortable to get hit by one, but it’s not going to do any serious harm. Different weapons do different amounts of damage, and everyone can take only so much damage before they get knocked out. Different classes can absorb different amounts, and as you level up, your hit points increase too. You’ll be starting at first level, so you aren’t able to get hit much, even with your, um, armor.” He tried, and failed, not to look at her absurdly large breastplate. “You should try to avoid it as much as possible.”

  She crossed her arms. “You think?”

  “Shush, I’m trying to be helpful and put this in context for you. I’ve been around for a while, so even though I’m only a wizard—and we get the fewest hit points of the bunch—I’m still going to have more than you. And Jimmy, he’s a beast. He could take enough damage to kill you and me both twice over and it still wouldn’t put much of a crimp in his style. He’s great to have around.”

  “Well, what keeps the monsters from just running past him and whacking us dead first?”

  “Two things. First, he doesn’t carry a sword. He carries a sword. It doesn’t really fit in rooms with low ceilings. So it’s hard for things to run around him, simply as a matter of logistics. Second, his class is called a berserker, and one of its traits is that enemies are drawn to fight him. In rules terms, what it means is that he wears a bright-yellow headband when we are out playing, and monsters will always attack him first, unless they physically can’t get to him or someone else injures them for more than half of their total hit points. So we mostly let him go to work and support him with our other abilities from afar. Stu will be an interesting addition to the mix—we’ve never played with an archer. Hopefully, he’s got good aim, or he’ll be tagging Jimmy in the back with his arrows, and friendly fire counts too.

  “As far as spellcasting goes, well, I have a list of spells that I’m allowed to cast during the day. A couple of my more powerful ones I’m only allowed once or twice. A couple of my basic spells I can cast as often as I want. I’ve got these little beanbags I carry in a pouch on my waist. When I want to cast a spell at someone, I call out the name of my spell and throw it at my target. If I hit, it does damage. If I miss, well, I miss. And ’cause of safety concerns, if I hit someone in the head, I take damage myself as a penalty. So good aim is important.”

  “Well, what about me? What will I be able to do?” They were almost to the front of the line.

  “As a healer, most of your abilities will be focused on, well, healing. And as a level one, you’re not going to have a lot. Nothing offensive that you could cast is going to be of any use against the things we’re gonna be fighting, so we’ll make sure you focus on simply keeping the rest of us alive. You know, like how you used to sit tight on defense back in soccer? And if it comes down to it, like I said, we can get you a mace to whack things with if they get too close. Again, no shots to the head or the, um, unmentionables. Those are no-no’s.”

  At the table there was the typical paperwork: Name and emergency contacts. Known food or medicine allergies. Waiver of liability. As they filled out the forms, the man behind the registration desk asked, “Character names?”

  “Galphalon,” replied TJ. “And a newbie.”

  “Galphalon?” Allison repeated. “Where did you come up with that?”

  TJ shrugged. “Dunno. Just sorta came to me. Like ten years ago. And I’ve stuck with it. Don’t be a hater.”

  The administrator pulled up TJ’s file and was filling out a card of abilities and spells that TJ had access to for the weekend.

  “I need to have proof that Galphalon can do all the things I say he can when we get out there and start playing,” TJ said in response to Allison’s unasked question. “If one of the judges has any doubt, I can just show them the card and we’re good to go. Saves a lot of time and confusion.”

  She nodded her understanding.

  The administrator finished the last card with a flourish. “Here you go. What is your friend playing? And does she know the rules?” He looked her costume up and down and seemed to come to the conclusion that no, she probably didn’t.

  “She’s going to be healing for us this weekend, and yeah, I’ve explained the most important parts to her.”

  “Healing. Good call. I’ve heard that the kobolds are down from the hills in force. Fighting will be fierce indeed.” He pulled out a fresh character sheet. “OK, a level one healer gets access to light heal, cure poison, stun, and holy smite. You get five casts a day, to be spread among those four spells. Which do you want to load up on?”

  “She’ll take four heals and a cure poison. And give her a point in diplomacy, a point in maces, and a heavy armor proficiency.”

  The man nodded and began filling out the character card.

  “Wait,” Allison interrupted. “What’s that holy smite thing? That sounds really . . . smiteful.”

  TJ shook his head. “It only does two points of damage with a successful hit. Trust me. We’ve got no shortage of damage- dealing ability between Jimmy, Stu, and yours truly. Those two points aren’t going to be a whole lot of good for anything. What we need is healing, ’cause each of those spells gives us back five health points. She’ll take the four heals and the cure poison.”

  She raised her voice. “Wait a minute. You asked me to come and play because it would be fun. And part of the fun is killing things and waggling my fingers and stuff. I want to be able to smite things. Just once. So I can say I did.”

  The registration guy gave him a sympathetic look.

  TJ let out a sigh. “OK. Give her a smite. Who knows, maybe it will come in handy after all. But if I drop dead because you ran out of heals, I’m not going to be very happy with you. You hear?”

  Allison gave him her best innocent look and batted her eyelashes. “Okeydokes, you’re the boss!”

  They got the rest of the paperwork taken care of and Allison was handed a small metal carabiner with the tokens representing her skills and spells attached to it. The pair then headed back to the corner table. A new person had arrived. The boy’s face was green and covered in warts, and his hair was pure white. Completing the makeup was a pair of little horn nubs sticking out of his forehead.

  “Oh hey,” TJ said. “Simon’s here!”

  “Hi, Allison,” the whatever-it-was sa
id, grinning as he stood.

  Allison’s jaw dropped.

  CHAPTER 3

  Allison stood there, mouth agape, for what was certainly a socially awkward time. Finally, she was able to stammer, “W-whoaaaah.”

  “Yeah, pretty cool, isn’t it?” TJ’s eyes gleamed mischievously. “I didn’t want to spoil the surprise for you, and I wasn’t sure if he’d come all made up anyway.” Allison glared, and his smile faltered. “Erm, be right back, guys. Gotta go pee.”

  The rest of the group seemed just as amused by the revelation. “Sorta changes the weekend of hot guys, huh?” Chuck seemed amused beyond measure, and Allison’s look did nothing to suppress his mirth.

  Simon looked back and forth between the two for a few moments before shrugging and returning to his seat. He patted the folding chair next to him. “Take a load off, Allie. We’ve got a little time to kill.” Reluctantly, Allison took the offered seat, with disbelief still registered on her face. “So you’re wondering why I’m here, dressed like an idiot, aren’t you?”

  Color spread across her cheeks, and she mumbled, “You’re the one who used the i-word, not me.”

  He smiled back. “Before we all ended up on that rec soccer team my dad coached, I was totally part of the D and D crew with Jimmy. But then my dad decided I’d be better at peewee football. That ended up taking a lot of my time, so I had to give up the gaming. Every so often I got in a free weekend to get dressed up and fight, but my gaming days are pretty much behind me now. This is my first chance to actually play in just about forever. I’m worried it may be my last.”

  “Well, if this is to be your end, at least make it an end worthy of remembrance! At least, that’s what Théoden said in The Two Towers.” Jimmy grinned and raised a mock toast.