It's All Fun and Games Page 5

  “Quiet, Claude,” hissed the woman through the doorway. “Remember what happened to ol’ Clem. Just give ’em what they want and ask ’em to move on. We don’t want no trouble.”

  The man—Claude, evidently—spit a glob of phlegm on the ground and grumbled, “Naw, we don’t want no trouble. But we don’t want none o’ what you folks are peddlin’ either. You wanna take my goats this time? Or my kids? How ’bout you just slit my throat and be done with it? You’re just about there as it is. Hmm?”

  Stu looked around helplessly, clearly out of his element. Simon stepped forward and spoke in soft tones. “Hello, sir. Claude, is it? It is good to meet you, friend.”

  “You’re no friend of mine, ya pointy-headed freak. You or the other one, wherever he’s from.” He nodded toward Stu, who stood with mouth suddenly agape at the obvious reference to his brown skin. “You ain’t welcome here. Now git.” The woman in the doorway cringed.

  Exchanging a glance with Stu, but deciding to ignore the slights, Simon continued. “We may not be friends yet, but that’s simply because we haven’t met.” He smiled and nodded at the rhyme. “I think that you have mistaken us for someone else. We mean you no harm, and we certainly don’t want any of your livestock. Or anything of yours, except perhaps information. We are simply travelers passing through, and we have stumbled upon your town. It is still early yet, and we plan on moving on soon.”

  “That’s what your kind always says. You’re just passing through. You don’t mean any harm. Well, here’s what I have to say to that!” He coughed up another loogie and spit just in front of Simon’s feet.

  Simon looked around for backup. TJ and Chuck exchanged glances and shrugged.

  At last Allison sighed and said, “Are we really gonna be stopped here by some angry pitchfork-wielding peasant who is at best not going to tell us anything and at worst deranged?”

  The man shot a look at Allison, and a visible change came over him. His eyes widened, his jaw grew slightly slack, and he knuckled his forehead. “M-m-milady,” he said. “I didn’t see you standin’ there until just now.” He stood up straighter and said in a more measured tone, “Please forgive my gruffness. We have suffered much at the hands of outlaws pretendin’ to be the king’s soldiers. And at the hands of the king’s soldiers pretendin’ to be outlaws.”

  Simon and Stu both looked at Allison in amazement, until they remembered the armband she was wearing that signified the powers of her ring.

  Without missing a beat, Allison replied, “There is nothing to forgive, my good man. These are troubling times, and it is important for you to stand up for your home and your family.”

  “Thank you, my lady.” He bowed to her, then half turned to face the house. “C’mon, woman! Put a kettle on and brew up some tea for Her Ladyship and her servants!”

  TJ smirked and muttered, “Servants? Really?”

  “Shush,” replied Allison quietly. “Let the poor man believe what he wishes. It’s certainly a better reception than before, so just go with it.”

  During this exchange, some of the other villagers had emerged from their own dwellings, and a sorry lot they were. It quickly became clear why Claude alone had stood up to them—no one else was in any position to help. The next youngest was easily thirty years older than Claude and walked with a crutch under his left shoulder. The hair on all the rest had long gone gray. Any one of the party—including Allison—could have beaten them single-handedly. Each one, as they approached, nodded in Allison’s direction, and the woman’s peering face in the crack of the door had been replaced by those of the two children.

  “So can you tell us what has been bothering you of late?” Simon tried engaging the man in conversation once again. “We fought and dispatched some wolf men not so long ago. If they were troubling you, they are no more, and you can now live in peace.”

  “Wolf men? Here?” There was a flutter of discussion and panicked looks on their faces. “No, there ain’t been none of them here since my great-grandpa’s time. If you really saw some in these woods, ’tis dark news indeed. We have had a hard enough time scratchin’ for a livin’ with only other men to contend with, not nature’s freaks.” He had the grace to blush, then bobbed his head toward Simon. “Milady’s companions not included, of course.”

  He paused before continuing. “We have long been at the mercy of the brigands who pass through these woods. And when the soldiers come from the king, they are just as bad. Ain’t no justice to be gotten from them. Everyone takes from us; they are all the same.”

  Allison’s face softened. “Well, why do you stay, then? Couldn’t you find somewhere safer to live?”

  “My good wife and me and our children could move. But where could we go? Our only livin’ is to sell our meager wares to travelers and occasionally provide them shelter for the night. I ain’t got no plow, no mule, and no knowledge of farming. Perhaps we could become beggars in some town, though I don’t believe it would be any less dangerous for us to do so. And even if the four of us did leave, some here don’t have that sort of travelin’ in ’em. I can’t desert these people. They’ve been my friends all my life.”

  “If you have so little, why do the brigands continue to harass you?”

  “’Cause they can.” The statement was simple, yet powerful.

  Jimmy spoke up. “Well, as it happens, we are pretty good at giving brigands serious beatdowns. Perhaps this is something we could help you with. Where do they live, and just how many are there?”

  Claude cocked his head in confusion at Jimmy’s suggestion, then shrugged. “Usually there are fewer than a dozen. But even a half-dozen well-armed men are more than a match for the likes of us. They come from the north, through the woods, though it is possible they are attemptin’ to hide their tracks. I doubt it, though. They are brash enough and know we can’t do nothin’ about it.”

  One of the children peeked out from behind his mother’s skirts. “Their camp really is up north, and not too far. Only a couple hours’ walk or so, if you hurry.”

  The woman shushed him and tried to push him back behind her, but Claude replied, “You tellin’ fibs again, Fin? How should you know where they are?”

  “’Cause I followed ’em once, Paw. I’m real quick and real quiet too. Remember that time I got lost and you found me wandering in the woods?” He blushed lightly and scuffed the ground with a foot. “I had followed ’em all the way to their camp and then came back. I’d thought I could sneak back into bed, but when I heard you callin’ my name I knew I was gonna get caught, so I pretended that I’d gotten lost. I sure am sorry, Paw.”

  The child’s mother looked horrified, and she immediately shooed him back into their hovel. Her raised voice drifted through the walls, and though her words were unclear, her tone most certainly was not.

  Claude just shook his head grimly. “Well, there you have it, strangers. You wanna find ’em, that’s the direction you should head. Not that I can really see why you’d go outta your way for us. We ain’t got nothing to repay you with.”

  An awkward silence hung for just a moment before Allison said, “You don’t need to repay us with anything but your gratitude. We’ll see an end to these brigands so that you can live your lives in peace.”

  If she was expecting a joyous reaction from the townsfolk, she was deeply disappointed. They looked at her with blank faces, devoid of optimism.

  Claude replied, “Well, ma’am, if you say so, we’d be much obliged to you,” then left it at that. Evidently the charm of the ring only went so far. It might convince them that she was an important person, but it couldn’t convince them that she was at all interested in improving their meager lot in life. It also didn’t convince them to provide any assistance, whether food or guidance. “North, only a couple hours’ walk or so” was the extent of it.

  Simon looked at Claude and said, “Is there anything else you’d like to tell us? I’ve a plus four in diplomatic interactions.”

  The man simply stared at him for a few moments, then turned his back. “OK, folks, let ’em go about their business, and let’s go about our own. We sure got plenty to do as it is.” This was met with muttered acquiescence as the crowd dispersed. It wasn’t long before the six friends were standing alone on the path, their only company the eye of one of the children peering through a knothole in the plank wall of his house.

  “Guess a plus four wasn’t good enough to get anything, though it usually is. Anyway, what do you guys think we should do? This is clearly a side quest, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there’s something juicy at the end of it. They wouldn’t have us tramping a couple hours off the path for no benefit, and it looks like they really spent a lot of work building up these houses and stuff. You want to go fight some brigands, or head off to fight whatever foozle that goblin warned us about?”

  “I want to know what the hell that ‘other one’ comment was about,” muttered Stu, making air quotes with his fingers. “I’m pretty sure I’m not paying to field insults like that.”

  “That’s not normal?” asked Allison.

  “Not out here,” he replied, fists clenched. “Never where I could hear it, at least.”

  TJ shook his head. “Yeah, that was bizarre. Some things you just don’t say, even in the context of being in character. But I didn’t recognize that actor. Maybe he’s new and too gung ho with the racial stereotypes of the time? He sure had Simon pegged.”

  Jimmy patted Stu on the shoulder. “We’ll get it all sorted out when we get back to the lodge tonight. Don’t let one jerk ruin the whole weekend for you.”

  The archer heaved a sigh. “OK, fine. I’ll let it go for now. But that wasn’t cool. And doesn’t solve the problem of what to do next.”

  Chuck was first to answer. “Well, you know my stanc
e on things. Brigands mean loot. I’m all for it.”

  Stu nodded. “I agree. I could use the XP and can’t stand knowing there are folks up to no good in the forest. That’s two strong reasons in favor of it.”

  “Sounds like we’re all in agreement,” TJ concluded. “A quick detour to bang some heads and grab some loot, and we’ll be back on track in no time!”

  After one last look around they set off through the trees. While there wasn’t a path per se, there was clear evidence that people had been passing through that area. Stu noticed a couple footprints in dried mud, and he pointed out places where small branches had been snapped sideways, as someone walking past them might do.

  “Well, that stands to reason,” said Chuck. “The NPCs had to head this direction, as did the group in front of us, so the way should be pretty obvious.”

  What was surprising was how long the journey became. As TJ had explained to Allison earlier, long trips were typically shortened into fifteen- or twenty-minute walks representing days of travel. After they had walked for an hour with no visible signs of any bad guys, the group started to become restless.

  “Man, did we take a wrong turn or something?” Chuck grumbled. “They couldn’t have just sent us on a wild-goose chase, could they? If so, I’m gonna ask for my money back, ’cause this is seriously not fun.” Then, in his best Bugs Bunny voice: “Maybe we shoulda taken that left at Albuquerque.” He groaned and sat down against a tree, then took out his water skin and had a long drink. “And my feet are starting to bug me. I’m not used to this tramping about in the woods. I’d much rather have nice cobbled streets under my feet.”

  Allison looked at Chuck sympathetically. Her breastplate was starting to get heavy on her, but she knew she couldn’t drop it. Her uncle was expecting it to be returned to the theater on Sunday night, in the same condition he’d lent it. She didn’t look forward to explaining why it was damaged or missing and then having to chip in to replace it.

  Stu shook his head. “No, we didn’t miss a turn. I’m sure of that. Look over here.” He pointed to something on the ground. “Do you see how that moss is pressed against the ground there? This sort of moss typically has a much greater volume when it grows wild. The fact that it’s crushed means that someone or something stepped on it. We haven’t lost the trail—we just haven’t walked far enough yet.”

  “Whoa,” said Jimmy. “You just made that up, didn’t you?”

  “Nah, of course not. I’ve spent years in woods just like these, learning the lay of the land. With all those brothers and sisters at home, I needed to get away a lot. I was never much for sports and really like the peace and quiet out here.” After a pause he continued. “I haven’t spent much time in this particular area, of course, but I recognize that moss. It’s called greybeard. Grows all over the place. It’s actually something you can make a nutritious soup out of, though I think you’d have to be pretty hard up to eat it.”

  Allison grimaced. “Greybeard soup, huh. How appetizing.”

  Stu laughed and extended a hand to Chuck, hoisting him from where he sat. “Come on, friend. Let’s get moving. The sooner we get there the sooner we can give them a solid drubbing and find out what sort of loot they’ve got. And maybe even grab a bite to eat.”

  There was vigorous head nodding at the prospect of finding food, and so the party once again set off, following Stu’s lead. In places, he pointed out other markings that suggested people had passed through. At times Simon nodded at what Stu pointed out, but the other four simply looked on dumbly, hoping that he wasn’t just making things up as they walked. Another hour passed and Chuck began complaining about his feet again. Stu cut him off with a quick “Shh.” Chuck gave him a pained look, but bit back his reply.

  Stu glanced back from where he was leading and said, “Do you hear that?”

  The other five looked blankly at each other and shrugged.

  “Nope,” said TJ.

  “Really? I hear voices ahead. They sound so loud to me.”

  Chuck groaned. “You better not be pulling our legs, Stu. I don’t think I could stand the disappointment of more walking.”

  “No, I’m sure of it. You all stay here, and I’ll be back in a few. I’m going to go see what I can see.” Without waiting for an answer, he slipped off into the woods, quickly disappearing from view. The friends looked at each other in confusion, and Chuck flopped back down on the ground to rub his feet. “This greybeard is pretty comfy to sit on, in addition to making a nutritious soup.” He chuckled, and the others smiled as they sat down too.

  Long minutes dragged on before Stu finally returned to their resting spot. He gave them a grim look and said, “They’re only a couple minutes away. Like Claude said, there looks to be fewer than ten. But they seem to know what they’re doing. Their camp is picketed with sharp stakes, and they have at least one lookout. There’s no way I’ll be able to pick them off with my bow, so it’s got to be melee. And I don’t suppose that any of them will be rank three or lower, so our dear healer won’t be able to wow them with her ring.”

  The report left the group in silence for a time, until Jimmy spoke up. “Well, we’ve fought two-to-one odds before. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible. And of course we’ve got some magic on our side that I’m sure our enemies don’t. Wizards don’t go around shaking down peasants for bags of turnips. I say we give it a whirl and see what happens.”

  This made sense to the rest of the group. Chuck seemed the one most interested in the fight, since he wanted to justify the long walk. Allison was wary of the numbers disadvantage, since they were counting on her to contribute. The last battle she’d just scooched back and hid, and she had been looking forward to doing that again.

  “C’mon and live a little,” Jimmy said, enthused. “So maybe we’ll take a little damage. Or even a lot. No big deal! We’ve got you, and you’ve got me!”

  “Well, what if I’m the one who takes a lot of damage? I distinctly remember TJ saying I couldn’t take much.” She looked anxiously at the other four.

  Simon patted her on the arm. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Just keep Jimmy between you and any bad guys, and it will all work out.”

  “Exactly,” Jimmy said, piling on. “I’m tough enough to take care of all of you!”

  “And anyway,” chipped in Chuck, “she’s a newbie! She doesn’t really know what’s going on anyway, so it’s not like she really even gets a vote.”

  The boys all laughed, and Allison had a hard time refuting the assertion, so she shrugged and agreed.

  The group slowly crept through the forest toward the brigand camp. As they got closer, they all began to hear the voices Stu had pointed out earlier. It was a mixture of boastful oaths and drunken song—it appeared that they had recently returned from roving, no doubt shaking down another pathetic group of peasants. Within a few minutes the party had arrived at the edge of a clearing, in the center of which was a rudimentary military camp. As Stu had said, there was a wooden palisade around the camp, and one of the brigands walked the perimeter, looking out into the trees.

  “So how are we going to do this?” asked Jimmy. “Charge the entrance and fight hand to hand inside? We can’t wait for dark, can we? If there’s another group or three behind us, we don’t have the luxury to wait around a couple hours. Even if only one other group decides to come this direction, they’ll be here well before dusk.”

  There was much head nodding. “Well, let’s go around and take a look at the front door and see what there is to see,” said Allison. “I still don’t have the best feeling about this, but if we’re going to do it, we should do it right.”

  Stu led them a quarter of the way around, following the direction of the sentry so that they were always just behind his field of vision. They discovered that the entrance was little more than an open space in the wall of stakes, and there was a single guard standing watch there, though he looked bored with his duty.

  “Perfect, a sleepy sentry at the gate and one walking the perimeter,” said Jimmy. He looked pleased. “If we time our movement so he’s on the opposite side, that will be one less we need to deal with at the outset. With luck I’ll be able to take out several of them before he’s able to come back around and join the fight. That should help even the odds a bit. And once we’ve gotten in, Stu can always take that one out with his bow.”