It's All Fun and Games Read online

  Praise for Dave Barrett

  “It’s All Fun and Games is as much a nostalgia trip for grown-up gamers as it is a gateway drug for the next generation. A rollicking good portal fantasy starting with boffer swords instead of d20s.”

  —Dave Gross, author of Pathfinder Tales: Lord of Runes

  “It's All Fun and Games is one of those rare books that makes you wonder if around every corner magic and adventure await. Kids and adults alike will find themselves swept away into the world Mr. Barrett has created.”

  —Shannon Mayer, USA Today bestselling author of the Rylee Adamson series

  “It’s fun and exciting to get lost in a fantasy world while roleplaying. It’s All Fun and Games shows that getting lost in one for real might not be as fun, but it’s no less exciting!”

  —Jon Verrall, cocreator of the hit Geek & Sundry web series LARPs

  It’s All

  Fun

  and

  Games

  It’s All

  Fun

  and

  Games

  DAVE BARRETT

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Copyright © 2016 Dave Barrett

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  Published by Inkshares, Inc., San Francisco, California, as part of the Nerdist Collection

  www.inkshares.com

  Edited and designed by Girl Friday Productions

  www.girlfridayproductions.com

  Cover design by Elsie Lyons

  Cover images via Shutterstock: © Vaclav Hroch; © Sergey Kamshylin; © Iakov Filimonov; © Igorsky; © Sensay; © Alex Bond; © faestock; © Dmitriy Karelin.

  ISBN: 9781941758816

  e-ISBN: 9781941758823

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2015955890

  First edition

  Printed in the United States of America.

  To Lloyd Alexander, whose Chronicles of Prydain taught me that worlds of magic and adventure exist; and to Gary Gygax, who taught me how to play in them.

  And to my brother, Jim, my first Dungeon Master.

  PROLOGUE

  “Run! Now!” TJ shouted, yanking Allison’s sleeve. Her eyes were focused on the ground, where their friend lay twitching slightly. An arrow shaft stuck out of his chest. Her first thought was that it was all part of the game—just some elaborate prank for the newbies on their first outing. If so, it wasn’t very funny.

  But there was no way that arrow was fake. The noise it had made when it struck. The blood that was rapidly spreading across his clothes. The raspy way he was breathing and the saliva slowly trickling from between his lips. Allison felt another yank on her shoulder as TJ shouted, “Leave him for now!” She shrugged off his grasp, reaching down to try to drag her injured friend by the collar. After a few moments she gave up the effort.

  A sudden force struck her in the shoulder and spun her around. Dazed, she looked for whoever had hit her and saw no one standing nearby. Instead, she found a second arrow stuck in the wall, still quivering with spent energy. She reached up to her shoulder and felt a dent in the metal of her breastplate. A quick look back revealed that the archer in the woods had drawn a third arrow and was fitting it to his bow, a determined look on his face. With a cry of anguish and one last glance at her fallen friend, she turned and fled after TJ and the others.

  CHAPTER 1

  The bell rang, cutting their teacher off midsentence, and the students began stuffing books and papers into their backpacks. There was a sense of urgency in their movements, as if somehow the clock might change its mind if they dallied.

  “We’ll pick up from where we left off on Tuesday,” Mr. Simmons called out over the noise. “Everyone please read pages two hundred forty to two hundred fifty-six in the text, and have a nice long weekend. Don’t work too hard!” The last he said with a smile, knowing that the likelihood of anyone actually reading pages two hundred forty to two hundred fifty-six were just this side of zero. Besides, not working too hard was advice he planned on taking—he was headed into the backwoods to go fishing.

  “So are you going to come, or no?” TJ Keller flashed his lopsided grin at his best friend, Allison Duggan. “You know you want to.” He added in a singsong voice, “You know it will be fuuunnn!”

  Allison, a scrawny strawberry-blonde girl, tried to not smile back, but failed. “No, I really don’t want to. In fact, I don’t think I can possibly explain to you just how little I want to. I don’t care what you say. Getting all dressed up like wizards and sleeping out in the woods doesn’t seem even remotely like a fun thing to do.” Despite the smirk, TJ could tell she was serious.

  “Aww, come on,” he pouted. “First of all, not everyone gets dressed up like a wizard. That’s only me. A party of wizards would never survive very long. You need some tanks to melee, and a healer, and if possible a rogue to pick locks and disarm traps and stuff. Otherwise, we end up having the barbarian just triggering all the traps we find and he soaks up all the damage. That’s hardly an elegant solution.” He looked ready to continue, but Allison raised her eyebrows. “Yeah well, anyway, other people have different costumes.” He paused, then added with a sly look, “And Simon is coming!”

  “Whoa. Simon? As in Simon Williams? Really? What would he be doing at one of your geek fests? Doesn’t he have a football game this weekend?” Simon was the starting halfback for the school’s team. As a sophomore, he should have been sitting on the bench, but an injury to the star senior promoted him to starter a year early. He was tall and handsome, and all of the underclass girls—and most of the upper class as well—harbored secret crushes on him. Allison was no exception, and TJ knew it.

  TJ shouldered his backpack and swiped a few stray eraser shavings off the top of his desk. He flourished an “after you” motion with his arm and followed behind as Allison headed toward the door. “Team is off this week because of the long weekend. Plus, they want to give students the ability to rest and recharge a bit before No Child Left Behind tests start up next week.” No one—including the teachers and administrators— looked forward to the week of standardized tests that occurred three times a year. Freeport Central High School wasn’t a failing school by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn’t one of western Massachusetts’s star performers either. “I guess they figured we could use all the help we can get. Maybe they think it will prevent a few concussions and that will help keep scores up.”

  Allison snickered as they walked to the hallway with their lockers. “But I mean, what’s he doing hanging out in the woods doing all that magic stuff? No offense, but that hardly seems very football playery.”

  TJ heaved an exaggerated sigh as he spun the combination on his locker and opened it up. Inside were several pieces of artwork from last year’s Tolkien calendar and a little figurine of a dragon with a ruby crystal in its mouth. “First of all, have you ever noticed that when someone says ‘no offense,’ they’re about to say something really offensive? Just saying.” Allison chuckled again and punched him in the shoulder. “Anyway,” he continued, “some people had lives before high school. It just so happens that before he got all tall and handsome and buff and athletic, he was something of a geek too. His big brother came home from school with a Dungeons and Dragons rulebook one day and he was hooked. I’ve seen him at some gaming events from time to time over the years, but since freshman year, when he started playing football in the fall and running
track in the spring, he’s kinda dropped out of the scene.”

  “So why is he getting back into it now?”

  “You got me. I just saw his name on the list of people who signed up for this weekend’s event. From what I understand, the story line is going to be pretty epic. Maybe it was just too good for him to pass up. If you come, you’ll be able to ask him yourself.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know. Who else is coming?” TJ could see Allison was beginning to waver. As they walked down the hallway to where her own locker was, he began ticking off names.

  “Well, there’s Jimmy, of course. He’s been talking about it for weeks, even replaced most of his equipment and added a few pieces of armor. I bet he’s going to look pretty slick.”

  Allison’s eyebrow was cocked again, and he shot her a wry grin.

  “Yeah, well, take my word for it,” TJ continued. “He’s big into the details, no joke. So yeah, there’s Jimmy. Chuckles will hopefully make an appearance, though he hasn’t confirmed yet. If we end up in any dungeons this weekend and don’t have a thief handy, we’re going to be in some deep trouble.” He grinned at his pun, and Allison rolled her eyes. TJ shrugged. “Well, they can’t all be winners. Oh, there’s this guy Stu, whom I haven’t met, but Jimmy says he’s pretty cool. His mom can sew really well, and she made him this full costume in forest greens and browns, so he’s all camoed and stuff. I think that’s it.”

  Allison stopped in front of her locker and began working the combination. “So what you’re saying is that I’m going to be the only girl?”

  “Well, Leslie Tiller is going to be there. She’s really nice, but not your type.” Leslie also played for the football team. As starting nose tackle. TJ gestured to the inside of Allison’s locker. Hanging inside were her first pair of pointe shoes and a photo of herself posing with a counselor at the performing arts camp where she spent much of her summers.

  “Gotcha. Well, fair enough.”

  “And those are really the only people I know are coming. There are always lots of other folks who show up whom I’ve never met before. People from other areas who travel about. Newbies coming for the first time. There aren’t going to be many, but are you going to be the only girl there?” He shrugged. “I doubt it. And anyway, look at it this way. That’s fewer girls around Simon this weekend. Maybe you guys could really hit it off.”

  “Yeah, right.” She didn’t sound convinced.

  TJ shot her his best smile. “Mayyybeee . . .”

  Allison gave him a long-suffering look and sighed as she shut her locker. “Oh, OK. I’ll come, though if it’s not fun, I’m blaming you. K? And you have to come to Bring a Friend Day at the dance studio this spring. In a tutu.”

  The grin on his face faltered slightly as images of ballet flashed through his mind, but he recovered quickly. “K! What are best friends for?” They turned from the lockers and headed outside to the buses. “My gear is all packed already. I’ll come home with you and help you get your stuff together. You wouldn’t happen to have a bedroll, would you?” The incredulous look on her face answered the question. “Though I guess a regular sleeping bag will do the trick,” he blurted. As TJ rattled on about the advantages of wool fabric versus cotton for cloaks, Allison wondered if she knew what she was getting herself into.

  CHAPTER 2

  The air was crisp the next morning when TJ’s mom pulled into Allison’s driveway. The weather forecast predicted a beautiful weekend: clear skies, highs in the lower seventies, and lows only in the upper fifties. Nothing a bedroll—or a sleeping bag— couldn’t handle. Despite the warm temperatures, autumn was in the air and the leaves had begun to change color. As far as TJ could tell, it all pointed to a glorious event. He hopped out of the car and went to ring the doorbell. He waited a few moments and then rang the bell again.

  “Geez, keep your shirt on, I’ll be right there!” Allison’s voice was muffled through the heavy door. Sighing, TJ leaned back against the low railing that surrounded the porch and prepared to wait. Allison’s parents, having learned of her last-minute plans to go “fight monsters” in the surrounding countryside, wasted no time planning their own weekend getaway. They were flying out to Atlantic City for two nights at one of the newest and ugliest casinos on the boardwalk. Their cab had come to take them away at 5:00 a.m., and they were no doubt already in the air toward their glitzy weekend. Allison was an only child, so there wasn’t anyone else to invite TJ in. He sighed again.

  Suddenly, the door jerked open. TJ’s jaw dropped at the sight of Allison’s costume. There she was—at least he thought it was her—dressed ready for a battle, an opera, or maybe both. She had donned a sky-blue dress that swirled around her legs in the light breeze caused by the opening door. Her torso was encased in a plastic replica of a bronze breastplate, with outrageously sized domes on her chest. Topping off the ensemble was a Viking helmet, one giant horn turned up and one turned down.

  “So, how do I look? Am I going to fit in?” Allison grinned from ear to ear.

  “Um. Well. Um.” TJ stalled as he tried to formulate a response. “That’s not exactly what we discussed on your packing list last night. What happened?”

  “Well, you know how my uncle has that amateur theater company over on Jefferson Street? I gave him a call last night and this is what he dropped off. I think I look smashing!” She gave a little twirl, letting the bottom of the robes billow out into a bell shape around her legs. “He said that I need to make sure that I don’t get it dirty, but I’m sure these robes can be dry-cleaned if it comes to that.”

  “Well. Um.”

  Allison’s eyes narrowed and she gave her friend a little pout. “You’re not going to tell me I look ridiculous, are you? Because if so, you’re off to slay dragons this weekend alone.” She nodded curtly for emphasis.

  TJ needed only the slightest pause to blurt out, “Oh no, Allie! You’ve got that look down. I think you’re going to fit right in!” In truth, he was pretty sure that she wouldn’t. But he knew that geeks are notoriously unwilling to mock the way other people dress, so she wouldn’t actually hear anything about it. He just hoped no one was planning on bringing a camera. The last thing he wanted was to cause ridicule for his best friend for the rest of her life.

  “By the way,” she added suspiciously. “Why aren’t you dressed yet? This isn’t some big joke, is it?”

  “Oh no,” he replied hurriedly. “I just have the wizard robe and hat. I’ll toss them on when we get there.”

  She looked appeased, but he still decided a strategic change of subject was in order. “Where’s all your stuff? Let me help you get it loaded up.”

  “Oh, I don’t have a whole lot of stuff to bring. There’s my sleeping bag. I mean bedroll.” She flashed a grin. “And I’ve got just a few other things. It all fits in my backpack over there. If you want to grab it, I’ll get my bedroll and we can hit the road.” TJ stepped inside the house. Her bag was waiting beneath a small cherry table. The lights from the chandelier overhead reflected in the mirror that faced the door. For perhaps the millionth time, he considered how cool it must be to have two lawyers for parents. The backpack looked just as advertised, but when he hefted it onto his shoulder he let out a groan.

  “Good grief, what have you got in this thing? Rocks?”

  Allison turned, then snorted a laugh and replied, “Yeah, actually. Those are rocks my folks and I collected last weekend when we went hiking. You know how they are. Dad read a book about family bonding, and they decided it would be a good experience to go play geologist. My weekend bag is that one.” She pointed to another backpack sitting by the door.

  TJ shrugged and trudged over to an identical backpack, then threw it easily over his shoulder and headed out the door. Allison followed him through, her sleeping bag in hand. Checking that her keys were in her pocket, she pulled the door shut, twisted the knob to make sure that it was locked, and then skipped down the walkway to where TJ waited at the open trunk. She tossed the bag into the trunk and twirled ov
er to the passenger-side back door.

  TJ let out a chuckle and said in a surprised voice, “Well now, that’s quite the turnaround, isn’t it? I pretty much had to twist your arm to come yesterday, and now you’re raring to go!”

  “Well, I decided that if I’m going to look like an idiot for a couple days, I may as well have fun doing it. And if it stinks, I can always grab a ride with someone back home and then spend all day tomorrow eating Cap’n Crunch in my pj’s and binge watching Cartoon Network in an otherwise empty house. Win-win, if you ask me!”

  TJ barked a laugh and shook his head. “That’s the spirit! I knew I liked you for a reason, Allie.”

  She hopped into the passenger-side backseat and said, “Hi, Mrs. Keller. Thanks for the ride!”

  “My pleasure, Allie,” his mom replied cheerfully. “It’s great to see you! Hopefully, we’ll get you over for dinner again soon.”

  TJ went around to the rear door on the driver side and got in. As he buckled in, he said, “I’m not going to leave you back here all by yourself, you know.”

  She grinned and buckled her own belt.

  The car pulled out of the driveway and moved slowly down the street. Allison looked back at her house before turning her attention to her friend, who had begun to talk about his character’s past exploits. The well-manicured lawn and perfect little hedges seemed to mock her decision to spend the weekend with their wilder cousins—poison ivy, poison sumac, and poison who-knows-what-else. But one thing was sure: TJ really seemed to have fun on these things, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  The trip took less than thirty minutes on the highway. The group TJ played with had booked a wildlife reserve for the weekend. It was the type of place that Boy Scout troops use for campouts—a good mixture of open land and woods, as well as a few small ponds scattered here and there. Most important, there was a central lodge with running water and even an outdoor shower. On those rainy weekends when people ended the day all covered in mud, even a cold shower was better than nothing, especially when there was a large open hearth waiting to warm them up.